Don't you get turned on when the PvMer teles away?
Doesn't it make you wet when we rush another clan and they all escape?
I have a surefire way to help protect your virginity from those arousing situations and make sure you never get horny because targets tele out from us.
Do you have 85 magic? Ghostly robes? A lust for kills and loot?
Of course you do, you shouldn't be pking with us otherwise!
Here's a passive aggressive guide to TBing:
Setup 1 Requirements:
- 0 brain cells
- A lazy as fuck personality
- A casual indifference as to whether your target dies or not
Note the barely-legal magic bonus. It can't even buy alcohol in most places. You aren't gonna impress your prey enough to stay and refuse to tele out, they're gonna leave just in case your autism is contagious. Just in case.
Setup 2 Requirements:
- Almost enough brain cells to count on two hands. Almost.
- The ability to read, or at least scroll your eyes across a book and look like you can
- The mindset of "I want to at least look like I'm helping but I don't actually want to help"
Ok so you slapped on a book that you probably can't even read. Do you want a cookie? You've moved up from braindead zombie to toddler in terms of intelligence. You still aren't gonna TB anyone in this shit gear you cunt.
Setup 3 Requirements:
- A letter to hogwarts on your 11th birthday.
- Below average qualities. In school, at work, in bed, etc. If you're gonna half ass everything else, might as well half ass TBing right?
- The desire to help the team, but only as long as you don't have to spend 15 minutes a week getting full ghostly. That's almost 20 jerkoff sessions.
Good fucking job Harry, you got yourself a staff. Now you can begin to think about TBing somebody. Too bad you didn't dress for the occasion, you might as well wear the evil chicken suit so we can at least mock PX while they tele away from us as you splash every one of your TBs.
Setup 4 Requirements:
- A high school diploma
- The ability to admit that you're nothing special, and pretty mediocre at most things. But your parents still love you, so don't let it get to you. Special little guy.
- Even if you're not the star of the team, you're a team player. That makes you ok in my eyes.
Note that Harry has dawned his invisibility cloak. Very smart move because your targets will not tele away if they don't see you coming. 10/10 upgrade. Your magic bonus is still pretty shit and there's still lots of room for improvement, but at least you're using your brain now.
Setup 4 Requirements:
- "Smart" is a quality people besides your mother use to describe you.
- You've had a girl leave you because your dick was so big it left her sore after sex.
- Your bloodlust is as high as your sex drive, you really want to kill everything in your path.
Take note: small bonuses can add up. Swapping out your shitty zammy book for the dope purple book (+2). Swapping out your shitty climbing boots for ghostly boots (+2). Swapping out your shitty recoil ring for a beacon ring (+2).
Now you're a real asset to the team. The type of guy people trust to call when they find somebody risking bank. The type of guy they trust with nudes of their girlfriend.
Setup 5 Requirements:
- Genius level brain. You probably know how to spell quantum physics or some shit.
- Never had a girlfriend because the only thing bigger than your cock is your brain, or at least that's what you tell yourself at night.
- Your runescape bloodlust and sex drive have transcended and merged into one. Killing people on RS is now what gets you off, and if somebody teles from you it leaves you with a terrible case of blue balls.
- Your name is Pure-v-M
Hell yeah. Note how this is almost double the mage bonus of the "standard" TBer set with climbers/zammy book.
- Your balls are big enough to bring a cape switch to slave TBs with, then back to team cape afterwards. Your teammates know better than to attack your ass.
- You got a new hat off your hat rack - not because its better magic bonus than the black hat, but because you dare other clans to pile you. You want to stand out and show your tanking abilities. Also it is better than a black hat.
- You're so dedicated that your +1 is JUST for throwing those TBs.
- You remember that the slayer staff is +2 magic better than a mud staff and only costs 16k.
- Probably has chins in their inv because that's what good TBers do
This is the kind of TBer you rely on when you find the guy with a +1 in the no item protect world. Or when you skull trick someone with elder maul/claws/blowpipe.
This is the kind of TBer legends are sung of. TBers like this turn one revs trip from "meh, we killed a few PvMers and some clans teled out from us" into "We killed so many PvMers that they posted whiny threads on reddit and then we killed every member of PX, no survivors"
- Zee, Asap, Dutch and 10 others like this